8/30/2005 12:08:00 PM|W|P|Ayeth Pajanel|W|P|We don't have classes today due to some holiday shit. Isn't that just dandy? *smiles* I made a new layout. But I won't be using it just yet. I'm still sooooo feeling my current layout ---"Thanks for watching as I fall". HAHA. Seriously. Using the English language gives an "ELITE-ISTA" effect. Right Bea? *smirks* Fascinating. Fantabulous. (Fantastic + Fabulous). HAHA. Kay. I've been sayin' a whole lot of crap lately. I think I'll be using English often. Heehee. Very fascinating. I seriously need to blog about something. Erg. My foot is feeling fine now by the way. Although I still have that thing wrapped around it, I can say that it is feeling a whole lot better. I'm feeling kinda bitter about.... something. Arg. Don't ask. I'm sure you know already what the fucking shit is about. I hate feeling this way. I hate it. I hate it. I hate it. I soooo fucking hate it. And I still have to memorize the Basic Trigonometric Identities for tomorrow's Math recitation. Arg. Oh, and its the freaky swap meet tomorrow. Freaky. (OBMC SWAP MEET -its where students get to sell junk to their fellow students. Its like a school garage sale or something of that sort. Fascinating. Really.) This is freaky. I'm using English like whoa.|W|P|112532025003105700|W|P|english crap|W|P|aaaaayeth@gmail.com8/29/2005 01:38:00 AM|W|P|Ayeth Pajanel|W|P|I don't think my grades for the first quarter will be... well... pleasant. I flunked the quarterly exams for PE. (Yes. Physical Education.) and *drumroll* JOURNALISM. Oh yeah. I'm like that. When I don't like the subject, I don't put any effort in it. So yeah. I whole-heartedly accept the fact that I WILL BE GETTING A LINE OF 7 FOR THE FIRST TIME IN ALL MY SCHOOLING LIFE Fascinating. Really. Arg. I'm so stressed. |W|P|112519606224258640|W|P|tententen!|W|P|aaaaayeth@gmail.com8/22/2005 02:50:00 AM|W|P|Ayeth Pajanel|W|P|The exams are over. Thank God. Now, 3 more quarters to go and I'm out of OBMC. Yey! College, here I come! HAHA. I am currently suffering from a fracture in the 5th digit of my left foot, and ITS NOT GOOD. Grrrrrr. Left foot will be totally immobilized for 2-3 weeks ... meaning... NO DANCE CLUB, NO CAT, NO WHATSOEVER-BULLSHIT that can put pressure in my left foot. Grrrrr. I know... I am a disabled person. That is so Fetch!ΓΌ *notice the sarcasm* It is not good. I swear its not G-O-O-D. Dame desu as they say in Japanese. Shame. I am supposed to perform this coming Tuesday assembly, but due to my freaky, freaky fracture.... I WILL NOT. Grrrrrrrr. Good luck to me. *looks at the calendar* OHHHH!!!! ITS THE 21ST TODAY!!! BWAHAHAHAHA!!! TRALALALALA... AMAZING. Condemn me for the irony. To the reader: Pardon the stupidity of the post. I love you. HAHA. Happiness is so elusive for me nowadays. I swear. Oh no, its not. HAHA. Weird...|W|P|112459600186050379|W|P|freaky freaky fracture.|W|P|aaaaayeth@gmail.com8/14/2005 05:15:00 AM|W|P|Ayeth Pajanel|W|P|erf.This is it. The moment of truth. I shall now officially post into public his lies..... deceptions... and other shit of that sort. This will be for my own good since this is my blog. HAHA. Besides, he doesn't go visit this. So.... I shall bash him here. AHHHH... VENGEANCE. --Kiddin! I don't exactly know if bashing him will make me feel better though, but, i would like you lovely people to know what happened, what he said (erf. lies), why it went like that. --Even I don't know why it went like that! So perhaps... you could draw up a conclusion based from the data I would give/post here. I am still hoping light would shine within me. Prayers helped me though... but.. lets get to that in the latter part of my post. So.. ok ... friendster part... all that shit. And you know what, his last testimonial to me was: 'I LOVE YOU SO MUCH'. Those exact words & exact caps. Shit. Dated May 04, 2005. Uhm... That was before things got so damn complicated and fucked up. Oh no, wait, that was before he went into COLLEGE. So, what exactly did COLLEGE freakin' do to him? Why the freakin' sudden change? Hell. I-DONT-KNOW. You see, a few days after his orientation in De La Salle University, (date was May 19 or 20.. or both. Hell. I forgot) or actually even those days of his orientation, our communication was extremely scarce. Scarcity of communication carried to the extreme. A day or two would pass with him not even texting me a single message. See? I can't believe he can handle that. I even had a conversation with him before all those shit happened, & it went like this: ME: "Baka naman pag nag college ka na hindi na tayo magkakaron ng communication." HIM: "Hindi. Tatawagan parin kita kahit na puro 'rawr' at 'meow' lang sasabihin ko. Hindi ko makakaya ung hindi ka makausap sa isang araw."

and there...

ladies and gentlemen...

is LIE #1!

Fascinating right? HAHA.

Anyway, moving on... after that I was like, extremely paranoid! (Please refer to my previous posts of paranoia. Erf.) I mean, he's not even fuckin' making paramdam! And you know what the excuse is... *drumroll*... 'wala daw load'. Walang load tapos nakakagimik. Walang load tas sa iba nakakatawag sya sakin hindi. Ano ba naman yan... Tsk Tsk... Katarantaduhan nga naman talaga oh..

Then... he totally changed. TOTALLY. Its as if I dont know him anymore. Then... *tententen*. Kaboom. A friend informed me about the 'EX' incident. You know.... him.. liking his ex again... ex is making paramdam... and other shit like that. (Again, please refer to my previous posts). I think this is the source of our problem... why we ended like this. Kasi, kung nuon pa man naayos na namin 'to... hindi na sana lumaki pa. Pero, fudge. OO. Nagusap nga kami regarding THAT incident.... so.. ok... ayun... ganito-ganyan.... Pero wala paring pagbabago eh. I was hoping na sana he'll be more closer to me, but the opposite happened. "Don't worry. Everything will be ok in the long run. In the short run, we'll face these difficulties." "Ngayon lang 'to mahirap. Pero everything will be ok when this is over, pag ok na ako ulit. I PROMISE." "Everything will be ok in the long run. Bibisitahin kita lagi." (he means at school.) LIES... LIES... LIES. He told those bullshitte to me when he was moving to his condo somewhere in Manila. Erf. Then.. fast forward... after the cool off and that away-bati-away-bati episode, KABOOM. The break up. Evening of July 4, 2005. I thought everything was going well when we had a conversation. I thought we can finally be ok. But.... *TENEN!* the opposite, once again, happened. HIM: "Tell me... kung pano ako makakabawi sayo..." ME: "I wanna see you." HIM: "...And i want to end this." ME: "End what?! *preparing self for the worse*...." HIM: "You.. Me... Us... This...." Ayun. It went kaboom. Bat pa nya ako pinahold on kung bibitaw rin pala sya? --I called him up June 8... I was supposed to break up with him. But he told me "Please... hold on... sa una lang talaga tayo mahihirapan... blah blah blah... " and all that shit. So, ok. I decided to give him a chance. I expected change. But... Nada. Nothing. Iie. Wala. I knew it was coming. But, I never expected it to happen so fast. He did visit though. July 5. I can't talk to him decently. Its like seeing him kills me. Since I can't have a decent conversation with him, he just called me that night. He told me that he broke up with me not because he doesn't love me anymore, but because he has to put his studies first. BAKIT? HINDI BA NYA KAYANG IACCOMPLISH UN NA KASAMA AKO SA BUHAY NYA?! DIBA KUNG MAHAL NYA TALAGA AKO HINDI NYA DAPAT AKO INIWAN! KAHIT ANO PA MANG KALECHEHAN ANG DUMATING SA BUHAY NYA! Pero hindi eh.... He told me that when things are... once again... 'OK', he'll come back to me. Pffft. Ayoko nang umasa. Masakit umasa. Lalo na kung umaasa ka sa wala. But, I don't know. Every night, I always pray to God to help me. He made me realize something though. That maybe, just maybe, HE really isn't HIM. Gets? He isn't really all that. He's not the only guy in this world. --HAHA. that is sooo cliche-ic. The relationship has been wrong starting from the beginning. It just went from 'bad' to 'worst'. "It hurts so much, it doesn't hurt anymore" --Luigi Alfonso I won't deny the fact that I STILL DO LOVE HIM. Yes. Call me stupid, call me brainless or whatever word you can associate with the tagalog term 'TANGA'. But I will not deny the fact that I still LOVE him despite of everything he has done to me. I am proud to say that I have finally accepted the fact na 'Wala na talaga kami'. But... something is holding me back from totally letting go. Its as if a small part of me is still, actually hoping that he'd come back. I do not regret anything. I have been happy. Sabi nga ni Mammi Flo eh, "Why regret having a chunk of happiness in your life?". Besides, regrets wont help me. Even blogging about all this shit won't bring him back to me.|W|P|112391304784308169|W|P|confessions|W|P|aaaaayeth@gmail.com8/08/2005 02:13:00 AM|W|P|Ayeth Pajanel|W|P|Ganito, tatagalugin ko na since sa UPCAT nahirapan ako sa mga tagalog na part. Ampf. Kainis. Kahapon, nag take ako ng tinatawag nilang University of the Philippines College Admission Test o ang tinatawag nilang "UPCAT". Grabe pala un. 5 hrs. Buti nalang ang schedule ko ay sa Tanghali -12:30pm. Ang masasabi ko lang tungkol sa UPCAT ay.... grabe.... PUTANGINA! ANDALI! OO. Madali lang sya. SUPER. Madali pero nakakabobo. Ampf. Labo ba? Pero swear talaga, MADALI LANG SYA. As in. Ngayon, ang kinakailangan ko nalang problemahin ay yung essay ko sa ATENEO. OO. Hanggang ngayon hindi ko pa rin ito nagagawa. |W|P|112338369216183589|W|P|ang UPCAT. bow.|W|P|aaaaayeth@gmail.com