7/30/2005 11:48:00 AM|W|P|Ayeth Pajanel|W|P|Until now, I still have a lot of questions... that are left unanswered. I'm nostalgic of the happy times we have shared, the memories, the phone calls, the text messages, the hugs, the kisses... everything. I'm surprised at the sudden change of things. I'm amazed at how something that had started so perfect, end up at such disaster. I still don't know what happened to him. ..... Ok. Blabing here won't help. I know, but at least, I have let it out. I've been whining to my friends about this.... and.... Thank God they are so patient with me, or else... I would have gone insane. Its weird, I'm feeling mixed emotions about this topic. For one thing, I'm sure I'm still so shattered.... but its mmkay. At least he's happy now. I'm also grateful that he came into my life, because for once, I knew what it was like to be loved... TRULY loved.... even if it seemed as if he faked it. (Which is half true by the way.) I'm so thankful of what he did to me. I have learned that all guys (yep, even the nicest ones) can turn into complete assholes. He made me stronger. I have also learned that when your friends/family 's acts of comforting is not really helping you, you should seek refuge from God. Trust me. It helps..... a lot. I have no regrets of whatever I have done. I have been happy. Its just now that I'm still hanging. I guess that ... it was just... inevitable.|W|P|112264053226237798|W|P|mixed.|W|P|aaaaayeth@gmail.com7/25/2005 04:20:00 AM|W|P|Ayeth Pajanel|W|P|My apologies. I havn't updated much recently, mainly because, there isn't anything for me to update. HAHA I havn't done my Ateneo essay yet. Might as well do it later today. Gash. I am not myself recently. I wanna change my layout, but... wala eh. Wala akong inspiration. Grrrar. San na kaya napunta inspirasyon ko? Nawala. Pati kaligayahan ko nawala na rin. Tsss. Ang hirap panaman hanapin ng kaligayahan pag nawala. Haaaay. [EDIT. 4.31pm] New Layout. HAHA. La lang. Un lang. [/EDIT 4.32 pm]|W|P|112218175207971285|W|P|for the sake of updating|W|P|aaaaayeth@gmail.com7/17/2005 02:01:00 PM|W|P|Ayeth Pajanel|W|P|I'll save the drama. Baka umiyak pa ako habang nag t-type eh. Pahk. Hindi ko ineexpect nagaganitohin nya ako. Akala ko pa naman.... 'Matino na 'to'... Tapos, SHIT! Nawala. Ku-maboom. Anyway... Bottomline: (My own conclusion) He doesn't love me the way I love him. Parang naging panakip butas lang talaga ako. Kasi kung mahal nya talaga ako, hindi nya dapat ako iiwan kahit ano pa mang problema ung dumating sa buhay nya, eh hindi eh. He found it easy to let me go. Tsss. What more am I to expect? If he, himself, asked me to let go? Wala na diba... The lyrics say it all. Basahin nyo nalang. BIGLAAN-6 CYCLE MIND Nandito nakaukit pa rin sa puso ko, Nang sabihin mong wag na lang. Nandito nakatatak pa rin sa isip ko, Kung paano mong tinalikuran ang lahat. Kay bilis ba't umalis, nakakamiss Na bigla lang di ko man lamang nalaman Na mawawala, Na bigla lang di mo man lamang naisip Na idahan-dahan. Hindi ako sanay sa biglaan, Unti unti na lang sanang nawala. Hindi ba natin kayang magkunwari, at sabihing sige na lang Hindi ba natin kayang dayain, Ang mga yakap sa tuwing lumalambing Kay bilis ba't umalis, nakakamiss Na bigla lang di ko man lamang nalaman Na mawawala, Na bigla lang di mo man lamang naisip Na idahan-dahan. Hindi ako sanay sa biglaan, Unti unti na lang sanang nawala. SCREAMING INFIDELITIES-DASHBOARD CONFESSIONAL I'm missing your bed I never sleep Avoiding the spots where we'd have to speak, And this bottle of beast Is taking me home I'm cuddling close To blankets and sheets But you're not alone, and you're not discreet Make sure I know who's taking you home. I'm reading your note over again There's not a word that I comprehend, Except when you signed it "I will love you always and forever." Well As for now I'm gonna hear the saddest songs And sit alone and wonder How you're making out But as for me, I wish that I was anywhere with anyone Making out. I'm missing your laugh How did it break? And when did your eyes begin to look fake? I hope you're as happy as you 're pretending. I'm cuddling close To blankets and sheets I am alone In my defeat I wish I knew you were safely at home I'm missing your bed I never sleep Avoiding the spots where we'd have to speak, and This bottle of beast is taking me home. Your hair, it's everywhere. Screaming infidelities And taking its wear. KISAPMATA-RIVERMAYA Nitong umaga lang, Pagka lambing-lambing Ng iyong mga matang Hayup kung tumingin. Nitong umaga lang, Pagka galing-galing Ng iyong sumpang walang aawat sa atin. O kay bilis namang Maglaho ng Pag-ibig mo sinta, Daig mo pa ang isang kisapmata. Kanina'y narlang o ba't Bigla namang nawala. Daig mo pa ang isang kisapmata. Kani-kanina lang, Pagka ganda-ganda Ng pagkasabi mong Sana'y tayo na nga. Kani-kanina lang, Pagka saya-saya Ng buhay kong Bigla na lamang nagiba kani-kanina lang pagkalambing lambing kani-kanina lang pagkagaling galing kani-kanina lang pagkaganda ganda kani-kanina lang pagkasaya-saya HOW COULD YOU SAY YOU LOVE ME-SARAH GERONIMO You say that you've always been true Looking in your eyes I see you lie You're trying hard to hide that There's someone new you found and You want me to believe that you still care How can you hurt me this way Everything I knew was loving you How could you try pretending Your love was never ending Now you can't even say that you will stay How, how could you say you love me When you will go and leave me How could you make me hurt so bad When I have loved you more than anyone can do Can't believe the pain That I'm feeling now because of loving you I can't seem to understand How can love be so unkind Still you broke my heart despite what I've done Still my love was not enough Though I've given you my all I can take it anymore MY HAPPY ENDING-AVRIL LAVIGNE Let's talk this over It's not like we're dead Was it something I did? Was it something You said? Don't leave me hanging In a city so dead Held up so high On such a breakable thread You were all the things I thought I knew And I thought we could be You were everything, everything that I wanted We were meant to be, supposed to be, but we lost it All of the memories, so close to me, just fade away All this time you were pretending So much for my happy ending oh oh, oh oh, oh oh, oh oh Oh oh, oh oh You've got your dumb friends I know what they say They tell you I'm difficult But so are they But they don't know me Do they even know you? All the things you hide from me All the shit that you do You were all the things I thought I knew And I thought we could be It's nice to know that you were there Thanks for acting like you cared And making me feel like I was the only one It's nice to know we had it all Thanks for watching as I fall And letting me know we were done EVEN IF-LEA SALONGA All those sleepless nights All the tears I cried All the pain I kept inside I kept asking myself why You had to say goodbye Was it just a dream When you said to me That there is someone new in your life You could have at least lied The truth just scared me Even if... You mean the whole damn world to me I can forget you Wait and see I can be strong even without you I can't waste my life forever Hoping you'd come back to me But deep inside I know I'll be waiting here for you YOU'VE MADE ME STRONGER-REGINE VELASQUEZ Is it hard to believe I’m okay After all, it’s been awhile Since you walked away I’m way past crying Over you finding someone else You turned my days into nights (days into nights) But now I see the light And this maybe a big surprise to you But you’ve made me stronger By breaking my heart You ended my life And a better one start You taught me everything From falling in love To letting go of a lie Yes, you’ve made me stronger Baby, by saying goodbye If you try to believe I’m not over you Go ahead There’s nothing wrong with making believe I know Cuz I used to pretend you’d come back to me But time has been such a friend Brought me to my senses again And I have you to thanked (I have you to thanked) For setting me free (for setting me free) Cuz you’ve made me stronger By breaking my heart You ended my life And a better one start You taught me everything From falling in love To letting go of a lie Yes, you’ve made me stronger Baby, by saying goodbye Think again Don’t feel so sorry for me, my friend Oh, don’t you know I’m not the one at the loosing end (I’m not the one) Cuz you’ve made me stronger By breaking my heart You ended my life And a better one start You taught me everything From falling in love To letting go of a lie Yes, you’ve made me stronger Baby, by saying goodbye You ended my life And a better one start You taught me everything From falling in love To letting go of a lie Yes, you’ve made me stronger Baby, by saying goodbye, goodbye You’ve made me stronger Baby, by saying goodbye WHAT HAPPENED TO US-HOOBASTANK I thought it was too good to be true I found somebody who understands me someone who would help me to get through and fill an emptiness i had inside me but you kept inside and I just denied some things that we should have both said I knew it was too good to be true cause i'm the only one who understands me what happened to us we used to be so perfect, now i'm lost and lonely what happened to us I know deep inside I worry did I use my only remember we thought we were too young to really know what it takes to make it but we had survived off what we have done till we could show them all that they were mistaken who would have known the lies that would grow until we could see right through them remember they knew it we were too young we still don't know what it takes to make it I could have made it work, I could have found a way, should have done our best to see another day but we kept it all inside I knew it was too late and now we live with the consequence we made to throw it all away PERO ITO TALAGA GRABE. MA-IMPACT. BEHIND THESE HAZEL EYES-KELLY CLARKSON Seems just like yesterday, you were a part of me I used to stand so tall, I used to be so strong Your arms around me tight, everything it felt so right Unbreakable, like nothing could go wrong Now I can't breathe, no I can't sleep I’m barely hanging on Here I am, once again I’m torn into pieces, can't deny it, can't pretend Just thought you were the one Broken up, deep inside But you won't get to see the tears I cry Behind these hazel eyes I told you everything, opened up and let you in You made me feel alright, for once in my life Now all that’s left of me is what I pretend to be So together, but so broken up inside Cause I can’t breathe, no I can’t sleep I’m barely hanging on Here I am, once again I’m torn into pieces, can't deny it, can't pretend Just thought you were the one Broken up, deep inside But you won't get to see the tears I cry Behind these hazel eyes Swallow me, then spit me out For hating you, I blame myself Seeing you, it kills me now No, I don’t cry on the outside anymore Anymore Here I am, once again I’m torn into pieces, can't deny it, can't pretend Just thought you were the one Broken up, deep inside But you won't get to see the tears I cry Behind these hazel eyes Here I am, once again I’m torn into pieces, can't deny it, can't pretend Just thought you were the one Broken up, deep inside But you won't get to see the tears I cry Behind these hazel eyes I'll have better updates in the future. I'm really shattered right now. DeprESsIon... HAHA. Amazing isn't it? How the letters of his nickname can be picked out from the word 'depression'.|W|P|112152513336619740|W|P|what more am i to say?|W|P|aaaaayeth@gmail.com7/11/2005 02:07:00 AM|W|P|Ayeth Pajanel|W|P|Break na kami. Don't ask. Basta un. Gagawa-gawa kasi ng commitment hindi naman pala kayang panindigan. TSSSS. The Acquaintance Party rocked. Maybe its because its out last... and... the previous seniors were there. See? a very quick post eh?|W|P|112096411795369710|W|P|this will be quick.|W|P|aaaaayeth@gmail.com7/02/2005 11:50:00 PM|W|P|Ayeth Pajanel|W|P|Lalalala. I dunno. I'll update for the sake of updating but I won't go into details. =) So yeh. Last Saturday, we had our CAT training. Bea wasn't able to attend cause she overslept. Haha. Which means... she missed out the chance to drool over our uber HOT ... oops... errr.. CAT teacher. Bwahahaha! :P So last Tuesday, the electrical system-ing of OBMC-SA fucked up. Classes were combined, and its like... "SHIT! Asan ba kami? Public o Private School?". Grabe kasi ung init. Pfft. Its a good thing everything was fixed the next day though. Then nung Thursday... Ay ito, sobrang lafftrip ito. Nung Accounting class kasi, si Ms. Alvarez (Acctg. teacher. duh.) pinag recite si Mae. Tas ayun. Si Mae na ung naging teacher tapos si Ms. Alva ung student. HAHA. Grabe. Sobrang Lafftrip. Hanggang ngayon, wala parin kaming uniform. Ung blue-shirt-with-brown-slacks uniform ng mga seniors. Pfft. Tapos ung Greenhills meron na. Ano ba yan. Mmmmkay naman na ata kami ni Desi. HAHA. Amp. Time out kasi kami nung Thursday eh. Tapos nabalitaan ko na-aksidente daw sya nung Friday night. Pfft. KarmaKarmaKarmaKarmaKarma. HAHA. Ayan... Kasi... tsktsktsk. Tapos ayun. Kinumusta ko nung Sunday. Tapos....kaboom. Bati na kami. Labo noh? Oh well. Ay... btw, CAN SOMEONE HELP ME WITH THE ATENEO ESSAY? "Experiences or achievements that helped define you as a person." ---uhhh..topic. Sobrang hindi ako makapag-isip. Pfft. I hate essays. OO nga pala... before I forget... ACQUAINTANCE PARTY SA FRIDAY. Pfft. I'll be dancing at the opening dance thingy with H-E-R. Pffffffffffffffft. Big time 'Pffffffffft'. Then I'll be dancing again sa batch dance ng seniors... haaayyy... Iba na talaga pag in demand. HAHA. Anyabang ko. And.... Get this... Member na ako ng effing dance club ng OBMC-SA without even having to try-out just because I'm a member of the ISUP [Ice Skating Union of the Philippines], ISI [Ice Skating Institute], ISIA [Ice Skating Institute -Asia]. O? Diba? Kaboom. Tama na nga.|W|P|112026497439773405|W|P|Tralalalalalalalalala. Kaboom.|W|P|aaaaayeth@gmail.com